client
Category
That is easily the most horrifying question you could possibly ask. I barely understand my own internal logic on a good day, so how the hell am I supposed to synthesize my entire existential mess into a neat, digestible elevator pitch just to satisfy your curiosity?
Prompt 2:
Explain the entire history of the universe as briefly as possible.
I wasn’t entirely convinced you even knew how to read, which makes typing this out feel like a colossal waste of my time. But just in case your basic literacy is a myth, I included an idiot-proof visual diagram on how to build a universe from scratch. It’s specifically calibrated for any megalomaniac (literate or otherwise) with a god complex to actually try it.
Prompt 3:
Make a triangle
My initial draft was going to revolve around a love triangle. Then I took two seconds to evaluate my actual relationship and realized that choice was a one-way ticket to sleeping on the floor. Terrible ROI.
So there I was, staring at the ceiling waiting for a better idea, when my brain spiraled into the economic void of the mattress industry. Why do these oversized foam rectangles cost a fortune? Why is there a brick-and-mortar store on every single street corner, running a perpetual "Going Out of Business" sale to an empty parking lot housing a single, sad sedan? It’s a synchronized, multi-billion-dollar money-laundering front. Obviously.
Now that is a narrative I can respect. Why ruin my personal life with romantic drama when I can just build a game that forces people to weaponize unhinged, absolute bullshit to ruin their relationships instead? Fuck it. We’re doing conspiracy triangles for Objective 3.
quick & easy rules:
You can make your own and try it out.
The Setup
Draw 5 cards. Keep them hidden. I shouldn't have to explain how holding cards works.
Appoint The Publisher. This player acts as the judge for the round. Pick whoever looks the most gullible.
The Conspiracy
Form the Triangle: On your turn, slap one card from your hand onto the public cards on the table. You now have a triangle of three completely unrelated subjects.
Pitch the Madness: Connect all three subjects in a brilliant, unhinged conspiracy theory. Sell it to the Publisher like you're trying to justify why your latest purchase on facebook marketplace was valid.
Get Judged: Once every theorist has pitched their brain rot, the Publisher picks the least terrible theory. That player gets 1 point.
The Continuation
Pass the Publisher role to the left.
Draw back up to 5 cards so you aren't empty-handed.
Repeat until someone hits 3 points and is officially crowned the Ultimate Conspiracy Theorist.
